CATATONIC

Special thanks to Roger (@booksbelow) for allowing me (@CTK1) to gypsy blog on his site for the 2nd time.  Much appreciated for giving me space to get all deep like this…

CTK1_kittyBW-CROP 

I don’t like my cat.
I bet many of you reading this, do like my cat.
Even though you’ve never met my cat, you might like all cats. Even mine.
I don’t like my cat.
It wasn’t even my cat. It was a skinny, sickly, starving stray, so I fed it.
I even took it to the vet. I guess during that time it became my cat.
After reading about my feline philanthropy, especially the vet part, those who hated me for disliking my cat now probably like me. 

I can hear you now, “Awwww, she was so good to help that poor cat.”
Yes and thank you. I’m actually quite nice and friendly with my cat.
Again, thank you. Aaaah but some may still think me rotten to unabashedly denounce my cat. People say that cats are cute and smart and do funny things. They really do say that. I don’t know what makes them say those things.

I don’t say things like that, because I don’t like my cat.

Some may ask, “Why don’t you like your cat?”
It would be cruel of me to air my kitty’s dirty cat box in detail, in public.
So then, just imagine traits YOU don’t like about 4-legged or even 2-legged beasts and we’ll be in good standing on this one. As long as you apply those traits to my cat.

Is not liking cats an option for you?
If not, could you at least find it in your heart to not like my cat?

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29 Responses to CATATONIC

  1. Seth Simonds says:

    I totally have it in my heart to not like your cat.

    Lots of animosity exuding from me right now.

  2. Kelly G! says:

    WOW I’m so glad I’m not the only one! I don’t like your cat either.

    Great blog entry though!

  3. As a canine, it’s my duty to at least pretend not to like your kitteh, but it would be wrong of me not to at least hear her side of things. Let your cat write the next entry! Let’s hear what she thinks of YOU!

  4. I’ll take a chance and assume the cat feels the same way about you…but I guess I could be wrong and so could the cat 😉

  5. ShellyKramer says:

    I hate that fecking cat! I do whatever you do and whatever you say, because I wanna be just like you. Dingity Dong!

    xo

  6. Jen Wright/@MissIve says:

    A) I don’t like cats.
    B) I announced on Twitter (read: confessed) that I’m not particularly fond of dogs, either.
    C) It felt good to say it.
    D) I feel badly about B, but not about A or C.
    E) If the cat in the picture is the cat in question (read: your unliked cat), as long as we’re confessing things, then the feeling may be mutual, judging from the “why is she holding me so closely?” look in its eye.
    F) I love your posts.
    G) Though I’ll not make the gross assumption that this post, like my dog tweet, is a confession, as you seem only to be reporting a fact, it was, you should know, CAT-hartic for me.
    H) What up, Simonds? What up, BooksBelow?
    I) I typed this entire comment on my phone, the most I’ve written today.

  7. Henie says:

    Well,

    My puppy doesn’t like your cat this is for certain! He doesn’t even like my cats…that’s right, I have 2! And they’re not really even mine, they are my son’s.

    So, since I pretended to not like your cat, behind the essence of my puppy, will you then clean the stinkin’ stinking litter boxes in my garage? There are 3 and it still *don’t* stop it from stinkin pooh!

    Love you, hate your cat! No purring to follow!

  8. Vonia Perna says:

    I used to like cats, but not so much any more. I think it’s because I had a cat as a child that got hit by a car. It was very traumatic for me. Although, I have also had a dog that got hit by a car, and I am still very fond of dogs, so maybe the previous was just and excuse.
    I do like kittens, but I don’t think I would like to live with a full grown cat unless it could remain a kitten indefinitely. So that’s my final verdict. I will not like cats until someone can engineer a permanent kitten. Thank you so much Tina for making me reconsider my stance on the cats issue. P.S. Your cat is quite lovely and looks somewhat like a kitten 🙂

  9. Chris Reed says:

    The way I see it, you’ve done far more for your cat than your cat has done for you. Wondering if your cat has ever heard of reciprocity. Seems like it should have, especially since so many people claim that cats are smart.

    So much for that theory.

    Consider your cat shunned by me. I’d still pet it though.

  10. Dan says:

    Um, cats are cool, but they are so like women. It takes forever to get there attention, and when you do finally get it, you forgot why you were summoning them in the first place. Yep, I can hate your cat for a bit, but then, why was I not liking your cat again?

    Dan

  11. Jeanne Veillette Bowerman @jeannevb says:

    I have three cats. Two, I love. One, I tolerate. For some reason, the only time the somewhat tolerable cat wants my attention is at 5AM, as he crawls up and down my body. Such a male. We had a 4th. She was old, mean and miserable. We called her Josie, as in Josie and the Pussycats. She was the leader of the kitty gang. Total stuck-up bitch. Put up with her for 18 yrs….until she started pissing all over my basement floor. Had her euthanized. Held her while she died. Yes, I cried (I’m human).
    Confession: every time I go to the basement to change the litter boxes, I smile…. glad the old bitch is dead and I’m not stepping in cat pee anymore.
    I don’t like your cat either.
    PS Warned my hubby if he starts peeing on the floor, I’m having him killed too. Amazing, he now aims better…

  12. kenwheaton says:

    There’s a dirty joke running around in this post. Can’t quite put my finger on it.
    I don’t own a cat. But you cat-haters better watch it. When they develop opposable thumbs, you’ll be the ones they come for first … and play with for hours before they get bored and kill you.

  13. Sasabelle says:

    Damn. I’m one of those who likes cats. So even yours. However you not liking it, doesn’t make me not liking you. I do think you’ve got a very smart cat. Look at its adorable furry paw…I think a lot of people want to be your cat or that cats paw. Even if you won’t like them.
    [great blog 🙂 even if I like cats)

  14. Russell says:

    We’ve never met. The cat and me. But from now on I’m blaming your cat for everything bad that happens to me. A kind of loathing will eventually set in.

  15. KimberleKelly says:

    I hate ur cat… send it over and let my dogs play with it

  16. scodal says:

    lol that’s a funny story i can totally see that happening to me too

  17. Courtney Haynes says:

    I have a neighbor who I don’t know well who has a cat with some bad habits. He walks around meeting new people. I likes to be told he’s pretty, but when you try to pet him, he tries to bite you. As far as I know, no one has been badly bitten. Right after that, he’s all friendly again.
    The neighbor looks like a kindly, responsible person. When I see her let him inside, she doesn’t look very happy to do so. I’ve often suspected he’s as hateful to her (or worse) than he is to other people. I know I’m real glad he’s not my cat, and he should be too. I’d try to pawn him off on someone I really did not like.
    By the way, I have a lovely cat who does have opposable thumbs. He’s a polydactyl, and I swear I’ve observed him grasping things (usually happless little creatures he’s caught) with those paws with their thumb-like extra digits.

  18. Avatar Koo says:

    I don’t trust any animal that has 9 lives.

  19. Danny Brown says:

    You’d probably like your cat better if his pointy ear wasn’t sticking in your chin. I’m a mega-cat lover but even I would be a little put out if a pointy ear was in my chin. That’s how I got my chin dimple. Learned me a valuable lesson for sure…

  20. mfeige says:

    So, I’m a dog person. I’ve always been a dog person.

    This summer I was looking for an apartment to rent and I found one that was in the right area, but involved taking care of a cat. But it was alright other than that so I took it.

    The cat was named Ella, she was really really fat. Anyway. I thought it’d be easier than taking care of a Dog. I always said if Dogs only have litter boxes.

    Well taking care of this cat was disgusting, the smell of the litter box was awful, nothing I did could stop the smell. Also she enjoyed sticking her claws into your chest early in the morning and if you tried to shut her out of the bed room she SLAMMED against the door until you let her in. Also if she didn’t stick her claws into you at 6:00 am it was loud noises close to your ears.

    After about 3 weeks she figured it out we lived in a peaceful co-existence. Then about a week after that I got extremely sick. I had a horrible fever I was weak. I fainted while they took blood for blood tests etc. I went to the emergency room. I had to get a CAT scan. I ended up staying at home, but I was sickly and weak. My doctor couldn’t figure it out. Eventually he suggested I go to an allergist since I had recently come to NYC and a new apartment. I went and it turns out I was severely allergic to cats. The allergist said look you have two options “you get your ass out of that apartment or you’ll have serious asthma” So not only did I not enjoy taking care of my cat, but it tried to kill me.

    I ended up with my Dog and all was good. Walking him twice/three times a day was much better than taking care of a dog.

    I don’t understand how people can think that Cats are intelligent when they never even get outside, at least most of them.

    So no I don’t like your cat. I don’t like cats generally. Even if I did it wanted to, I couldn’t

    Matt

  21. sliky likys says:

    that first comment was me checking that this thing worked as wasting my font is like wasting my words and sends me into a hissy pissy fit. anyways i digress…

    Girl i hate your cat so much it makes my blood boil, smelly flea carrying, shit producing fur ball, how dare such a creature roam the planet? In fact i hate your cat so much i am going to come to your neighborhood, hunt the damn cat down and inflict some damage, then i am gonna inflict some more…any animal lovers reading this in horror, must contact my lawyer, don’t contact me, i am a busy girl planning cat revenge!

  22. I like your cat because it’s a part of you. You are so special. NOT!

    You and your cat can take it on the heels, hit the high road, make tracks and leave this town for the rest of us.

    Great blog Tina!

  23. @lynnster23 says:

    I like my cat but I hate yours.Probably because mine is cool.Your cat is lame and doesn’t deserve you. Get a better one.

  24. We all know it’s not about your cat! 😉

  25. cynsheis says:

    hate is such a strong word….lucky kitty

  26. […] you’ll never know what to expect.  She is a great blogger, but at this point  just gypsy blogs here and there.  Extremely brilliant, funny, and master of the one tweet novel.  Just don’t argue […]

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